The unofficial Rules of Kiddy Grade
by FunahoMisaki
Summary: I've seen several of these stories to bleach and one to Sakura Wars but none to Kiddy Grade so I decided to fix that! These are mainly for humor so please enjoy the funny. Slight bashing sometimes, implied femslash and/or slash occasionally. Full summary and disclaimer inside. Enjoy! Rated T for language
1. Chapter 1 1-25

**The Unofficial Rules of Kiddy Grade**

**By: Sayaalv**

**(A/N: I own nothing and I saw some rather humorous ideas like this based to Bleach and even Sakura Wars so I decided to try my hand at it with Kiddy Grade. AU slight OOC, maybe a bit of Bashing or implied slash or femslash.)**

If something breaks call Éclair to fix it…if it collapses you can safely assume she was being reckless again- Lumiere

1a. Hey! I'm not always reckless- pouting Éclair

1b. Yes you are!- everyone else

If Éclair can't fix it then throw it away and either make or buy a new one- posted by Un-oh and agreed by all but Éclair

2a. Huh why? And why call me to fix it in the first place?- confused Éclair

2b. Because you manage to fix nearly everything Éclair, I've seen you fix a whole in the side of the La Muse before with limited time and materials. It's just as strong and good as a professional could have made it too! – Posted by Lumiere and witnessed by Whirblewind, La Muse, and Eclipse.

If Eclipse ever snickers or grins you are safe to assume that she has either A) just completely fucked over someone sideways or B) joined Éclair and Viola during a prank. Either way it is safe to place bets or run for your sanity and/or lives – worried Mercredi

3a. or she just had a good date/ make-out session… - hinted Sinistra

3b. how the hell did you find out!? –shocked Eclipse

3c. your date/ make-out session took place at a café that Sinistra loves to get fruit parfaits from. –Explained Dextera.

3d…damnitt…

3e. No way?! Chief Eclipse has a date?! Who was it? – shocked Alv

3f. Is it really so shocking that I have a date? I AM a woman! – curious Eclipse

3g. Do you really want us to answer that Chief? – Tweedle Twins.

3h…I don't want to know do I?- wary Eclipse.

3i. No. – all but Eclipse and a confused Viola

Spill you two! Who's Chief Eclipse's date?- curious Tweedle Dee.

4a. You wouldn't believe us if we told you- Sinistra and Dextera

4b. Try us – curious Alv

4c. If you two even think about telling I'll make you both clean every toilet on Anise before going to the next planet on the list until you've cleaned every toilet in the galaxy – blushing Eclipse.

4d…we plead the fifth- Sinistra and Dextera.

4e. Éclair you seem oddly quite about all of this- observed Cesario.

4f. Oh I already knew – Embarrassed Éclair

4g. Spill! – all women but Eclipse and Éclair

4h. I act naïve and reckless but I am not stupid! Hell no I ain't telling – nervous Éclair

My private life is none of your businesses. So kindly stay the HELL OUT OF IT! – furious Eclipse

5a. aww I just wanna know – pouting Viola, agreed by almost all of the women.

5b. no means no so kindly stop stalking me! – exasperated Eclipse

5c. we just wanna make sure he's good enough for you chief – concerned Tweedle Dee

5d. I never said it was a he and you don't have to worry about that. – less exasperated Eclipse.

5e. YOU'RE DATING A GIRL!? – everyone minus Sinistra, Dextera, Eclipse and Éclair.

5f…shit I didn't mean to let that slip… -face-palming Eclipse.

I appreciate the concern and sentiment but I can take care of myself so kindly stop glaring at/ hitting any unknown females that get within ten feet of me! – amused Eclipse

6a. No offense chief but no way in hell is that going to happen. Aside from Alv most of us see you as the mom we either never had or as a second mom since ours is long dead. We aren't going to let anything happen to you or let some tramp try to take you from us- bluntly Un-oh

6b. Is this true? – shocked Eclipse

6c. yes – Tweedle Dee, Lumiere, A-ou, Sinistra and Dextera

6d. hell yeah – Un-oh, Tweedle Dumb, Viola, Cesario.

6f. sorry but we're about the same age so it'd be kinda weird to see you as a mom Eclipse, no offense – sheepish Éclair

6g. That's alright Éclair and everyone? …thank you… - touched Eclipse

6h. So did we butter you up enough for you to tell us the name of your girlfriend? – grinning Un-oh.

6i. No. – Deadpanned Eclipse.

6j. UN-OH! You ruined a perfectly good moment there! – Scolding Tweedle Dee.

6k. Sorry but I don't handle mushiness well! I'm not good talking about feelings other than battle craze!- embarrassed Un-oh

Never ask Un-oh about feelings, you won't get a straight answer and if by some miracle you do get a straight answer he will ruin it somehow – deadpanned Alv

7a. Sorry but my father had taught me to never show or talk about any emotion but battle craze or battle lust whatever you wanna call it! – exasperated Un-oh

7b. What about your mother? – curious Dextera

7c. Never met her. According to my old man she ran off to get married to some other guy when I was a few weeks old – unconcerned Un-oh

7d. That's horrible – shocked female E.S. members

7e. What kind of mother could do that to her own child? – furious Éclair

7f. Not a good one obviously- sarcastic Tweedle Dee

7g. She better not still be alive or else I'll track her down and give her a… 'lecture' on how horrible what she did was. No mother worth calling a mother would do that to her child – growling Dvergr

7h. Agreed! – furious Éclair and Eclipse

7i. you guys… - touched Un-oh

Everyone please remember that while we may not be related by blood we are still a family! When one of us is happy, we're all happy. When one of us is sad, we're all sad. When one of us is hurt, we're all hurt. And if, whoever the hell is the creator of the universe forbids, one of us were to die and stay dead…a piece of us dies with them – Truthful Éclair

8a. that's right! We might not all be related like Alv and Dvergr or the Tweedles but damnitt we're a family! No one hurts my family! – Protective Un-oh

8b. Does that make everyone my big brothers and sisters while Eclipse and Dvergr are the mamas? – innocent Viola

8c. sure Viola. We're all brothers and sisters except for Dvergr and Eclipse, they're the moms… well to all but Éclair since she's the same age as them…- Smiling Tweedle Dumb

Never piss off the mother figures. Trust me on experience with that one – wisely Alv

9a. I agree with her. Pissing off the mother figures is never a good idea and never ends well for you – agreeing Chevalia

9b. Hey how'd you get ahold of this list? – surprised Un-oh

9c. Mother taught me more than just how to break someone's nose… - mysterious Chevalia

9d. What? Those kids at his school kept picking on my poor baby! Since I couldn't or wouldn't kick their asses I taught him how to protect himself, not my fault he got my right hook! – defensive Éclair

9e. I did something similar when Alv was a child in school…although it usually resulted in her breaking some other kids ribs on 'accident' – nodding Dvergr

9f. MOM! –Embarrassed Alv

9g. What it's true and it's nowhere near as bad as what I did when in school? I put one boy in a coma before and that truly was an accident. –confused Dvergr

9h. Nice most I did was put my high school math teacher into the intensive care unit when he tried to force himself on me – grinning Éclair

9i. My friend and somewhat sister is bonding with my mom over violence…am I the only one who thinks this is stranger than normal? – Disbelieving Alv

9j. No… - everyone else

Never piss off Éclair it won't end well for you – A-ou

10a. I said I was sorry! You really shouldn't have let Un-oh call me that though – defensive Eclair

Never steal Sinistra's parfait, he will go nuts – Posted by Eclipse on Dexteras suggestion.

11a. Nuts? He went friggin berserk! – shocked Un-oh

11b. My mother loved fruit parfaits and they are the only thing left that can remind me of her – admitted Sinistra

Never challenge Éclair to an arm-wrestling match. Even when holding back she will always win…and it usually ends in a broken arm – posted by Dextera, witnessed by A-ou, hospitalized by Un-oh

12a. I said I was sorry! I didn't mean to break Un-oh's arm! – defensive Éclair

12b. You broke my arm in five places! – furious Un-oh

12c. And that was with her holding back and with her lipstick off… ominous Cesario

Tweedle Dee and Lumiere are no longer allowed to hold a hacking contest. – Eclipse

13a. Why not? – curious Éclair

13b. Yes why not? – Curious Lumiere and Tweedle Dee

13c. You two had managed to completely shut down the main system of four whole planets with your last one that's why – Deadpanned Eclipse

13d. Good reason – idly Dvergr

Never try to use 'yo mama' jokes on Alv, it's not good for your health. – written by Éclair, witnessed by Viola, hospitalized by Un-oh

14a. You wanna use yo mama jokes on me I respond with the appropriate force, my fist! – protective Alv

14b. really Alv? – amused Eclipse

14c. When I was little my mama taught me that if someone said something I didn't like then I either do one of two things. I either A) ignore it and go about my way or B) if I can't ignore it I make sure they don't say it again – honest Alv

14d. You broke his jaw in three places! – shocked Viola

14e. Like I said make sure he doesn't say it again – unconcerned Alv

14f. That's my girl – proud Dvergr

Never challenge Chief Eclipse to a race you won't win weather she uses her ability or not. The only one who stands a moderate chance for a tie is Éclair and that's with her 'Power' at full force – Tweedle Dumb

Never challenge A-ou or Éclair to drinking contests, the only one who can beat either of them are each other…plus Éclair is more violent than usual when drunk – posted by Un-oh and witnessed by a laughing Alv

16a. No I'm not! – protesting Éclair

16b. Yes you are! You brought down half a neighborhood because one guy grabbed you and I have it all on video! – cackling Alv

16c. It's not like I meant too! I was just trying to get him away from me, not throw him through several buildings! – embarrassed Éclair

Do not give the Tweedles absinthe it will never end well for anyone – Eclipse

17a. I thought it was water! – blushing Tweedle Dee

17b. I thought it was sprite… - embarrassed Tweedle Dumb

17c. Aww the poor little terror twins can't hold their alcohol? – teased Un-oh

17d. Un-oh you are treading on thin ice by teasing them about this and I will not protect you or hide you in my office – bluntly Eclipse

17e. don't worry I'll just distract them with more absinthe! – cheerful Un-oh

17f. It will be in everyone's best interest to not tease the twins about absinthe, Un-oh was just sent to the hospital nearly half dead because he did so. – cackling Alv and Éclair

Do not let Chief Eclipse, Dvergr, or Éclair watch Disney movies at all let alone a marathon of them – Cesario

18a. Not like I knew they were going to react that way! –defensive Viola

18b. Is that why mom is twitching anytime she sees someone that looks like the movie characters? I thought I told you all about how crazy I drove her with those movies when I was little? – Curious Alv

18c. Is that also why Chief Eclipse is refusing to eat apples anymore? – confused Mercredi

18d…I will wager a guess that those movies are also the reason Éclair is hiding from Viola in our house while in the fetal position. – deadpanned Dextera

18e. So that's where she went! She took off just after we got done watching The Little Mermaid even though she seemed to like Pirates of the Caribbean. – exclaimed Viola

It is to be noted that during the girls night and boys night that occur at the same time every month, if Tweedle Dumb does not come to check on his sister every half an hour it is safe to assume the boys are doing something they aren't supposed too. In that scenario it is acceptable for the girls to go find the boys and, if the situation calls for it, give them the beating and scolding of a life time. – Eclipse

19a. The same also applies if Cesario does not come to check on Voila every half an hour – amended Lumiere

If Éclair tells you that 'you don't want to know' take her word for it and let the matter drop…trust me – Un-oh

20a. You insisted on me telling you! –defensive Éclair

20b. Yes and I regret it now! I did not need nor want to see that! – Un-oh

20c. Now I'm curious – Alv

20d. You don't want to know! –Éclair, Un-oh and Eclipse

It is to be noted that Éclair is an amazing cook and works as a chef at a small café on her days off… - Tweedle Dee

21a. Éclair can cook? – Surprised Sinistra

21b. Yes, she makes those fruit parfaits you like so much at that café you spotted me and my date at a while back – Eclipse

21c. Éclair I think I love you…please make me more fruit parfaits! – desperate Sinistra

21d. Haha. Sorry Sinistra but I'm taken. I'll make some parfaits for everyone at lunch though okay? – embarrassed Éclair

21e. Yay! – happy Viola and Sinistra

Just because Éclair is an amazing cook and baker does not mean that it is acceptable for anyone to kidnap her just so that she could cook for them…I'm looking at you two Viola, Sinistra – deadpanned Dvergr

22a. Sorry but her fruit parfait is delicious! – sheepish Viola and Sinistra

22b. You could just ask me to make more you know that right? – curious Éclair

I don't care what the Nouvlesse do to piss you off but please note that not only is it bad PR but also harmful to the poor little wild raccoon to paint it with the G.O.T.T. logo and let it loose in the G.U. meeting Hall – amused Eclipse

23a. One of them tried to grope me and another almost slapped a five year old girl for asking him if he wanted some flowers. They deserved it and more! – furious Éclair

23b. I know they deserved it but the raccoon didn't – snickering Eclipse

23c. Huh the Chief has a sense of humor…who knew? – surprised Alv

Please remember that although we are nearly impossible to kill and stay killed, it does not mean that we aren't humans too. All of us have feelings and emotions and it is never a good idea to bottle them up until the well runs over – Eclipse

24a. Try telling that to the bastards at the G.U. that think we're all their dogs. – Snarling Alv

24b. Calm down Alv it was just a minor wound – calm Dvergr.

24c. What happened? – worried Éclair

24d. One of those G.U. bastards ordered mom to stay still and when she stopped to give him a curious look, he shot her for the hell of it! – Furious Alv

24e. Prepare for a war with the G.U. They hurt one of our own for the hell of it. We won't take this lying down. – growling Eclipse

Never give Éclair soda. She gets sugar rush easily – traumatized Tweedle Dumb

25a. Hey! Not my fault! You gave me a sugar bomb! That thing is 100% sugar and was as big as my fist! – embarrassed Éclair

25b. You still were far to hyper, you managed to beat even Viola on a sugar rush, outrun Eclipse without abilities, bring down half a city, make the Nouvlesse take on a fetal position, and completely thrashed the cyborgs that broke into the lobby…all within ten minutes – amused Dvergr


	2. Chapter 2 26-50

**The Unofficial Rules of Kiddy Grade**

**By: Sayaalv**

**(A/N: I own nothing and see last chapter.)**

Don't ever try to keep up with Éclair or Eclipse's training routine…it's impossible – panting Un-oh.

26a. No it's not you just suck at physical exercise. – sticking tongue out Éclair

26b. Agreed. Although it's expected since he's better at long-range attacks than short range ones. – shrugging Eclipse

Kindly remember that I can fend for myself so when a Nouvlesse begins to annoy me it is not necessary for any of you to 'run interference' as it were or break one or more of his bones. – amused Eclipse

27a. That idiot was flirting with you even when you made it clear you weren't interested! I wasn't going to let him think he could force you into doing anything you didn't want to do and get away with it. – Unashamed Éclair.

27b. Wow Éclair protective much? – amused Alv

You guys are my family and I am protective of my family. Anyone messes with you guys and they'll be screwed over sideways with a ten foot cactus shoved up their a-butt holes – Serious Éclair.

28a. Wow Éclair you really are protective. Any particular reason why you're so protective of those you consider family? – curious A-ou after witnessing Éclair break a man's jaw for insulting Un-oh.

28b. The closest thing I ever had to family before meeting any of you was my family's maid. My parents had wanted a boy and were disappointed when I turned out to be a girl and they were fearful and loathed me when my abilities started acting up subconsciously. They tried to kill me after killing the only mother figure I ever knew and before killing themselves to hide their shame. My own mother shot me twice in the chest and once in the stomach before shooting my father and herself in the head. – Haunted Éclair

28c. My gods that is horrible but explains so much – shocked and horrified Dvergr.

Just because we all have had traumatic lives and/or childhoods does not mean we need to go to Therapy lessons once a week so please stop asking- Eclipse.

29a. Éclair's parents wanted a boy and tried to kill her, Un-ohs dad was emotionally dead and raised him the same way while his mother ran off when he was little, Cesarios parents beat him anytime he spoke aloud, Violas mother hated her and her dad was killed in front of her, the Tweedles parents tried to separate and kill them, A-ou lost his wife and unborn baby when his parents disapproved of her and killed her, Lumieres parents were murdered at a young age, Sinistra's brother was jealous of him and tried to kill him, Dexteras mother died when he was little and his dad committed suicide in front of him, you were nearly murdered by your boyfriend when he discovered your abilities, Alv had been separated from me and locked away by her father for most of her childhood, and my husband tried to kill me after I had Alv only because he wanted a boy instead of a girl and then proceeded to not only kidnap my daughter but also abuse and torture her. After all of that we all need at least a little therapy to help with nightmares and the memories. We are going to Therapy sessions, all of us, and that is that. – stern Dvergr

29b. … Therapy sessions begin at 8 pm and Capri agrees to see us at my apartment for the sessions. Despite appearances she's a licensed psychologist and a very good one. – serious Éclair

29c. Any who refuse to come of their own free will has been warned as I have talked Éclair into tracking you down and forcing you to come. These sessions will help and are good for your mind there are no two ways about attendance, and yes Chief that means you too – deadpanned Dvergr.

29d. What's a psychologist? – curious Viola

29f. Basically? It's a mind doctor – simplifies Éclair.

Éclair when I said you could track Chief down and force her to come to the sessions and stay at them any way you could that did not mean you had to tie her down to your bed. – amused Dvergr

30a. Kinky- snickering Un-oh

30b. Shut up Un-oh or you'll be right back at the hospital with another broken jaw, and it was the only way I could get her to stay here without using her ability to leave. She can't go anywhere until I unlock the handcuffs, not unless she wants to take my bed with her. – smug Éclair

30c. Éclair I will be getting you back for this later – growling Eclipse

30d. Hey how'd you manage to get a hold of this when you're tied down? –curious Sinistra

30e. Trade secret. – smirking Eclipse

30f. Éclair what did you whisper into chief Eclipse's ear to make her blush so much – curious Alv

30g. Secret. If I told you she'd kill me before dying of embarrassment and I doubt she'll tell you – Snickering Éclair

30h. Éclair did you forget about my ears? I heard every word you said and I gotta say that it's very hot and very kinky. – snickering Un-oh

30j. Shit.

What did she say Un-oh? – curious Tweedle Dumb

31a. She said that if the Chief behaved then she might let the chief tie _her_ down later – snickering Un-oh

31b. That is hot…- blushing Cesario with all the males agreement

31c. Ow sis! It's true and even you were blushing at the thought of it! Why'd you smack me?!- indignant Tweedle Dumb

31d. Oh? Something you wanna tell us Tweedle Dee? – teasing Alv

31f. Fuck off all of you. – embarrassed Tweedle Dee

31g. When and where Tweedle Dee? – laughing Alv

Please leave all crude and intimate talking off of the list. We do not need nor want to read about that. I especially don't want to read about that kind of thing in correlation to my daughter. – protective Dvergr

32a. Aww come on mom I can fend for myself when it comes to this kind of thing! – pouting Alv

32b. No Alv and that is final. You are my only child and the only family I have left that I'm naturally related to. ANYONE gets near you with those intentions and I will personally ensure that no one ever finds where I hid the bodies. – Growling Dvergr

32c. You'd have to be more worried about Alv getting near sister with those intentions, not the other way around – snickering Tweedle Dumb

I don't care what gender my daughter is interested in but the next one that so much as looks at her funny because of it in front of me get's sent to the emergency room. – bluntly Dvergr

33a. At least not everyone is dumb enough to ask if she'd want to participate in a Threesome with Tweedle Dee and a boy. – snickering Éclair after witnessing that stupidity

33b. No only Un-oh is…did you really have to nearly break every bone in his body Dvergr? _Before_ Alv or Tweedle Dee got to him at least? – amused Eclipse

33c. Of course I did. If he was dumb enough to ask my daughter that _in front of me_ he deserved it. – deadpanned Dvergr

Next time can you let Alv and sister have a go at him first? Sis was pissed she didn't get to beat his head in for that for several hours- hopeful Tweedle Dumb

34a. Is that why I caught her and Alv making out and groping each other in a supply closet? They were pissed they didn't get to beat up on Un-oh and had to work off that anger some other way? – Curious Éclair

34b. They were WHAT?! –Roaring Dvergr

Mom can you try not to beat my girlfriend to death? – hopeful Alv

35a. No. She got near you with intentions like that and probably wouldn't have stopped unless Éclair had stumbled across the two of you by accident.- snarling Dvergr

35b. She wasn't even the one to start it! I kissed her first and suggested the supply closet! – protesting Alv

35c. Kinky Alv – snickering Éclair

35d. Screw you Éclair! Besides it's not like you can talk with what you and Chief Eclipse do! – Flushed Alv

35e. No thanks I'm happy with my girlfriend thank you very much and how would you know what we do hmm? – grinning Éclair.

Keep all intimate and personal talks off of the list! Yes that means you to Éclair since our co-workers don't need to know about our private life! – blushing Eclipse

36a. I didn't tell them anything they didn't already know! …which was only the handcuffs! They came up with the rest of it on their own! – defensive Éclair

36b. Either way keep it off of the list Éclair or you'll be on the couch for a month! – indifferent Eclipse

36c. Yes dear…- submissive Éclair

Although Chief Eclipse has Éclair wrapped around her pinkie it is a bad idea to make whip cracking noises anytime Éclair does something Chief tells her too…as proved by Un-oh being sent to the hospital for the third time this month alone – bluntly Tweedle Dee

No one is to question what happens in Éclair and Chief Eclipses bedroom. If Éclair doesn't kill you Chief will – snickering Tweedle Dumb after watching that happen to Un-oh again

38a. You shouldn't question it anyways as it's none of anyones damn business! – furious Eclipse

Please remember that although she's smart and not really nine years old Viola still doesn't know what most cuss words mean so please refrain from using them when she can hear or read them – requested by Dvergr after witnessing Viola ask Alv what 'damn' means

Also please note that alcohol is very dangerous for mine and Viola's younger and smaller bodies so bringing it to the girls night is not only a bad idea but also very rude since we can't have any of it safely – Politely Lumiere

40a. Hear that Tweedle Dee? No absinthe for you on girls nights! – teasing Un-oh

Un-oh is now the official training dummy for all E.S. members. If he doesn't have the common sense to know when to shut his mouth he deserves it. – boredly Eclipse

41a. As if he didn't get sent to the hospital enough already – snickering Cesario

Un-oh is no longer allowed to complain when sent to the hospital by a severally pissed off female co-worker. He does not know when to keep his chauvinist comments to himself and therefore he deserves everything he gets – furious Dvergr.

42a. What he do this time? – curious Tweedle Dumb

42b. He offered to marry me so that Alv wouldn't be a 'bastard child' in his words and so that I had a strong husband to rely on since he thinks that no woman can survive being single or without a husband/boyfriend – snarling Dvergr

42c. Mom kicked his ass royally for that and I have it all on camera! – snickering Alv

For movie nights please be sure to bring something everyone can enjoy that does not drive several powerful E.S. members insane…I'm looking at you Viola – Tweedle Dee

43a. I didn't know they would react to Disney movies like that! – defensive Viola

Okay Éclair we get it! You and Chief Eclipse are in love and probably going to marry each other sometime soon so can you stop singing her sappy love songs while we're all at the bar! – fed up Un-oh

44a. No because she likes them – Sticking tongue out Éclair

44b. Why am I not surprised? – amused Tweedle Dee

Despite the fact that he didn't really realize what he was saying Un-oh was correct when he said me and Éclair are going to marry each other soon. She proposed to me last night in fact – smiling Eclipse

45a. Really? I wanna see the ring! – squealing Tweedle Dee, agreed by most of the female E.S. members

45b. Thanks for helping me pick out the ring for her Dvergr! – grinning like a loon Éclair

45c. You're welcome Éclair – smiling Dvergr

Un-oh I swear if you imply that I'm the man in mine and Eclipse's relationship again I will beat you so bad you'll have to change bodies again! – furious Éclair

46a. So if you don't top then does she? – curious A-ou

46b. A-OU THAT IS NONE OF YOUR OR ANYONE ELSE'S BUSINESS! – Furious Eclipse

Don't ask Chief Eclipse or Éclair anything about their sex lives you won't get an answer besides beating of a millennia – snickering Alv

47a. Well I would beat them just as bad if they asked about our sex lives Alv – shrugging Tweedle Dee

47b. What's sex? –innocently Viola

47c. I got a new rule for that – serious Eclipse

Dvergr since you had to have given Alv 'The Talk' sometime before you have been selected as the give the same 'Talk' to Viola – deadly serious Eclipse

48a. Aw hell no! It was embarrassing enough explaining that to my daughter if I explained that to Viola then I would _never_ be able to look her in the eyes again. – protesting Dvergr

48b. Sorry mom but we took a vote and you were the unanimous winner. Have fun giving her the talk…I'll ask Chief Eclipse to erase her and your memories of it later! – snickering Alv

48c. …damn you all to the deepest pits of hell – bluntly Dvergr

Okay if it takes a boy and a girl to have a baby like Dvergr told me too then how are Chief Eclipse and Clairy having a baby? – curious Viola

49a. they're having a baby? – shocked and surprised Tweedles

49b. Viola you weren't supposed to tell anyone yet! – blushing Eclipse

49c. We're having a baby? – shocked Éclair

49d. Yes we're having a baby…although I only found out a few hours ago and Viola stumbled across me saying it in shock. She wasn't supposed to tell anyone until after I told Éclair – embarrassed Eclipse

No one is allowed to make fun of Éclair for fainting after she found out she managed to get Chief Eclipse pregnant. It's a common reaction, hell Alv's father passed out and stayed out of it for about five hours when I told him I was pregnant – Truthful Dvergr

50a. I fainted as well when my wife had told me she was with my child- nodding A-ou

50b. Although if anyone is dumb enough to make fun of Éclair for passing out in front of me or her I will do more than break their jaws – Eclipse with Éclair nodding in agreement


	3. Chapter 3 51-75

**The Unofficial Rules of Kiddy Grade**

**By: FunahoMisaki**

**(A/N: I own nothing and see last chapter.)**

Never let Alv and Dvergr absorb Éclair's powers when any of them are on a sugar rush not unless we're in the middle of a war – Traumatized Eclipse.

51a. Sorry but we didn't know it was possibly for us to get hyper up by absorbing her powers while she was on a sugar rush! – Defensive Alv

Éclair I realize that because she's pregnant you don't want Chief Eclipse fighting, sparing, or doing anything that could be remote fully stressful or straining but did you really have to tie her down to her office couch with your lipstick? – Amused Tweedle Dee

52a. I don't think that's the worst they've done to that couch. – snickering Alv.

52b. …I'm not sitting on that couch ever again. – deadpanned Cesario.

52c. All of you shut up! Yes I did have to tie her down otherwise she would've stubbornly tried to do something that could risk harming her and/or the baby – red faced Éclair

52d. Natural reaction for any who's significant other is carrying a child. Alv's father refused to let me go anywhere, even around the house, without him and two other body guards to make sure I didn't do something that could possibly harm Alv. – nodding Dvergr

Mom I don't care if it's because you're proud of being my mom or another of your attempts at scaring away Tweedle Dee! Stop showing everyone my baby pictures! – embarrassed Alv

53a. It's because I'm proud of you and of being your mother Alv and I'll show them the baby pictures if I want to! You were absolutely adorable as a baby before your 'father' stole you from me and you can consider this payback if you want. – shrugging Dvergr

53b. Payback? – confused A-ou

53c. I carried her inside of me for more than eight months and then went through 11 hours and forty three minutes of labor before she finally decided to come out fully. I think I that gives me the right to show everyone the few baby pictures of her I actually have. – deadpanned Dvergr

53d. She's got a point actually. – nodding Éclair

53e. Okay she has a good excuse with labor and all but what's your excuse for showing everyone my baby pictures mother? – twitching Chevalia

53f. Two words son. Dirty Diapers

53g. …Carry on then – slamming head into desk Chevalia

I don't care if you two have seen the movies three hundred times and want to change it up for laughs Lumiere, Tweedle Dee! You two aren't allowed to change the outcome or plot of a movie, especially not in a movie theater with others watching! – Moody Eclipse

54a. Right now the smartest thing you two can do is shut up and do as she says – advised Dvergr

After that last time Éclair is no longer able to choose Un-oh's costume even if he asks her too. If she wants a say in it the costume must be judged by all other E.S. members as well! – twitching Eclipse

55a. Why's that? – curious Tweedle Dumb

55b. Because that girl you and Sinistra were flirting with in a café the other day was Un-oh undercover for an assignment. – snickering Éclair

55c. Alv is also no longer allowed to pick Un-oh costumes or disguises – amused Dvergr

55d. Thank you Dvergr! I don't need the Nouvlesse storming into my office wondering why one of my male E.S. members was dressed as a young school girl and waiting for them in their meeting room! – furious Eclipse

55e. But did you see their faces?! I swear even their ears were red! – snickering Un-oh

55f. And we have it all on camera! – cackling Éclair and Alv

For the love of whoever created the universe do _not_ tell Éclair or Alv you can do anything they can do better! The construction workers are overworked enough fixing the mess the Twins made when drunk we don't need any contests of who can knock down the most buildings! That goes for everyone else too – fed up Eclipse after the forth contest

56a. Sorry Love- sheepish Éclair

Tweedle Dee I don't care if you sound almost exactly like that ninja girl or any other anime characters! No imitating them especially after that time where you gave one guy a heart attack because he thought you were the ninja! – Mood swinging Eclipse

57a. Sorry bout that Chief but Un-oh dared me…- sheepish Tweedle Dee

Un-oh knock off the Alice in Wonderland jokes already they aren't funny at all- twitching Tweedle Dee

58a. So says Tweedle Dee but what say Tweedle Dumb? Do you know where the White Queen is?- snickering Un-oh

58b. Tweedle Dumb says listen to Tweedle Dee and knock it off with the jokes before I knock you right into Wonderland! – snarling Tweedle Dumb

58c. I thought it was Underland…- confused Viola

58d. No that'd be if I killed him…which is very tempting right now – growling Tweedle Dumb

I don't care if you are my friend and co-worker! No dating my son and when the little one in Eclipse's stomach is born no dating her either! – protective Éclair

59a. Aww but Éclair your son is such good eye-candy and no worries about the baby I'm many things but I'm not a pedophile.- grinning Ricki

59b. I mean it Ricki no dating my son or else you and me will be having a little talk…using words like crucifixion for example. – glaring Éclair

Éclair I don't care if it's in the 'Christmas Spirit' you aren't allowed to dress Donner up as a Reindeer! – exasperated Lumiere

60a. She dressed Donner up as a Reindeer? – snickering Tweedle Dee

60b. Donner didn't mind and the kids on my block can't usually celebrate Christmas so I asked Donner if he would mind taking the kids on 'reindeer' rides.- Defensive Éclair

60c. Well I guess that's alright then…but no doing it for the heck of it! – sighing Lumiere

60d. That's actually a good idea Éclair. Perhaps everyone can get their Support AI's to dress up as Reindeer and give 'Reindeer' rides to kids that can't celebrate Christmas cause of things like money and all – nodding Eclipse

60e. Not a problem here. During her first Christmas Alv enjoyed riding in a sled down a snowy slope with me and riding on a Reindeer, which was actually just a Cyborg dressed up like a Reindeer, so I wouldn't mind taking other children to do those things if they can't afford or do them their selves. – fondly Dvergr

Only once a month is someone allowed to actually question whether or not Lumiere's 'Aged Grape Juice' is really Grape Juice or wine – snickering Eclair

61a. Usually because of how embarrassed she gets before the one who asked is forced to spend the rest of the month in the hospital for various injuries – cackling Alv

After that last Comic con disaster Un-oh is no longer allowed to attend them, not while dressed up at least. – exasperated Eclipse

62a. Not like I actually meant for them to mistake me for this 'Natsu' guy. – defensive Un-oh.

62b. It was hilarious though! We had talked Un-oh into dying his hair pink and dressed him up in the same outfit as the character and wham! He was running for his life from rabid fans, especially those dressed like Lucy, Lisanna, and Erza. –Laughing Éclair.

62c. Speaking of which Éclair. Next year you'll be going as Erza with Chief Eclipse as Lucy – grinning Tweedle Dee

62d. Let me guess not only do we match their appearances somewhat but that's also your favorite pairing from Fairy Tail – Éclair

62e. Yep! If it makes you feel better though I'll be dressing up as Mirajane while Alv dresses up as Levy since they're my second favorite couple from the anime – Giggling Tweedle Dee

62f. Umm can you two explain it for those of us that don't get the anime thing – confused Un-oh

62g. Don't worry Un-oh I've talked Chief Eclipse into letting you go to next years comic con although you'll be dressed up as Gray this time and A-ou has to go as Elfman. – snickering Éclair.

62h. You are a genius Éclair! That Yaoi pairing is hilarious! – Howling Tweedle Dee

What's 'Yaoi'? – confused Dextera

63a. Yaoi is what I caught you too doing in the elevator last week. – giggling Eclipse

63b. How long do mood swings usually last again? – wary Éclair

63c. It's different for every woman Éclair. My mother had mood swings from her second trimester on and I had mood swings from the seventh month until Alv was born. No telling how long Chief Eclipse's mood swings will last – Knowledgeable Dvergr

63d. Something wrong with my mood swings Éclair? –growling Eclipse

63e. No dear I was merely curious is all – sweating Éclair.

Chief I understand that you are clingy with Éclair because you are carrying her unborn child but you need to relax a little bit. – advised Dvergr

64a. Why's that? – curious Eclipse

64b. You're very nearly smothering Éclair with your clinginess and it's possible that you could drive her away with it – serious Dvergr

64c. She'd leave me and the baby? – Terrified Eclipse

64d. What?! No I wouldn't! Not even if my life depended on it would I ever leave you and the baby Eclipse! – soothing Éclair

64e. I said it was possible not that she would do it. – Explaining Dvergr

64f. You shouldn't have said it was possible to begin with! Now she's had a panic attack and nearly lost the baby because of it! It was only because of how quickly we got her to the hospital that she and the baby were both saved! – furious Éclair

If anyone does anything to upset my fiancée again I will maim them so badly they won't be recognizable before punting them straight into the depths of hell! She nearly _died_ because of the panic attack Dvergrs words caused! –Protective Éclair

65a. I didn't mean to cause her to have a panic attack Éclair. I merely meant to try and tell her that she shouldn't be so smothering and clingy with you because it can have consequences. Trust me I know! – Defensive Dvergr

65b. Please calm down Éclair. Both me and the baby are fine. – worried Eclipse

65c. Yeah barely! You nearly _died_ Eclipse as well as nearly lost the baby! – fretting Éclair

65d. I know that Éclair but please calm down. You're starting to scare me – whimpering Eclipse

Anytime Éclair goes into a protective rage it is to be noted that the only way that we have discovered that actually works in calming her down is Chief Eclipse starting to get scared of her fiancée – wary Mercredi

66a. That does _not_ mean that it is a good idea to try and piss Éclair off simply because Chief is around. Nine times out of ten she won't stop Éclair if you're doing it on purpose…yes Un-oh I mean you – Deadpanned Tweedle Dee after Un-oh was sent to the emergency room again

Viola and Éclair are no longer allowed to go trick or treating together. Viola may only go if she is being escorted by a RESPONSIBLE adult, which means not Éclair, Alv, and/or Un-oh – twitching Eclipse

67a. I can be responsible! – Defensive Alv

67b. Only when it involves our job Alv otherwise you're just as irresponsible as the other two – snickering Dvergr

67c. That's better than Un-oh. Éclair however can be responsible when it comes to Chief and their baby – amused Tweedle Dee

Seeing as the baby has two mothers instead of a mother and a father do you all _really_ need to ask what gender it is? – amused Eclipse

68a. I don't think they've bothered thinking about it like that though – smirking Dvergr

68b. I wasn't aware Un-oh could think – surprised Éclair

The next person to ask how Éclair got me pregnant when we're both girls is asking for a beating remember that well…Un-oh I'm looking very pointedly at you –deadpanned Eclipse

69a. How we did 'it' is none of anyone's business and Eclipse won't be the one that does the beating I will be so watch what you ask – glaring Éclair

Éclair as much as I love how overprotective and attentive you I am able to take care of myself. – amused Eclipse

70a. Nope I'm not going to stop being overprotective. You are three months pregnant with our child Eclipse. All I'm letting you do is sit at your desk and drink your tea as you give out orders or sign paperwork. I nearly lost you both once and I'm not going through that again – sincere Éclair

70b. As you said Éclair, Chief Eclipse is three months pregnant and any strenous activity could cause her to loose the baby…so please stop making her moan like that from within her office I don't want to know what's going on – blushing Mercredi

70c. I was merely giving her a foot massage since her ankles began to swell recently and it was hurting her feet – innocent Éclair

70d. Yeah I'm sure – rolling eyes Mercredi

If you hear moans or groans behind any door or anything then do not assume someone is hurt and investigate. Usually they aren't hurt and will be very angry at you for interrupting them – experienced Un-oh

71a. You walked in on Alv and sis again?! Didn't you learn your lesson the first time? – incredulous Tweedle Dumb

71b. If it helps I didn't see anything before Alv punched me in the eye and I heard her say 'ow' so I thought she was actually hurt this time – Defensive Un-oh

71c. Wait why were you saying 'ow' sis? – Protective Tweedle Dumb

71d. One don't call me sis while we're on the job and Two. I was fine Alv just got a little rough is all – Rolling eyes Tweedle Dee

71e. Sorry again about that Tweedle Dee. I hadn't realized my finger nails were so sharp – Apologetic Alv

71f. It's alright…I certainly didn't mind it – grinning Tweedle Dee

Once again keep all intimate chat _off_ of the list! Un-oh has passed out due to blood loss three times already because of what you have written on the list – Twitching Dvergr

72a. And Mommy Dvergr doesn't want to read about her daughter doing those kinds of things does she? – teases Éclair

72b. Hell no – deadpanned Dvergr

It has been established that Dvergr is incredibly protective of her daughter so please stop doing stupid things in regards to Alv near Dvergr…once again Un-oh I'm looking at you – glaring Eclipse

73a. Wow Chiefy. You sure do change moods a lot lately. How come? – innocently Viola

73b. It's because of the baby Viola. The baby is unbalancing Eclipse's hormones, which makes her change moods often – Éclair

73c. So the baby is making Chiefy unbalanced? – confused Viola

73d. That's one way to put it – snickering Alv

Alv why exactly is Tweedle Dee muttering about you having to tell me something? – Curious Dvergr

74a. Well see mom the thing is…ah screw it I got nothin – nervous Alv

74b. Honestly Alv what's so difficult about telling Dvergr that she's going to be a grandma?! – confused Tweedle Dee

74c. Say what? – Dvergr

74d. Well I managed to get Tweedle Dee pregnant and since you're my mom that kinda makes you the baby's grandma…- sheepish Alv

Wow I think that's the first time I've ever seen Dvergr get mad at Alv – amused Un-oh

75a. I'm not mad, in fact I'm thrilled I'm going to have a grandchild to spoil rotten. I was only mad because Alv didn't think to use protection when engaging in those acts with Tweedle Dee until after they had gotten engaged at the least – Explained Dvergr

75b. you're telling me. I think my ears are still ringing…Oww – whined Alv


End file.
